You must be extremely careful for the next three weeks. Do NOT, under any conditions, use the remaining toothpaste in your medicine cabinet. You are a communist. Do not tell your daughter's ugly spouse about your alien experience or the aliens will return and remove the remaining portions of your brain. Horrorscopes by Dacques Viker

The Apple iPhone is the best cell phone ever. The web apps for Safari include messaging, blogs, forums, travel, online games, new, social networking like iRovr, Facebook and MySpace. The iPhone accessories, wallpapers, ringtones, button themes and widgets allow you to personalize your iPhone. Normal horoscopes tell you what you want to hear. They are not very accurate. Horrorscopes tell you what you don't want to hear. Unfortuneately, they are just as accurate.